THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

wanting to do something and having to do something.

for example: wanting to ride subway one enjoys the schizophrenic man who is channeling mariah carey and sade and the dreadlocked rasta boy who curls up next to you and falls asleep. having to ride subway: one looks at the your fellow drones who are all going into jobs they don't love and guessing who got the most sleep by size of bags under eyes.

ok. so. if you know the difference, why can't you make having to experiences into wanting to? can you conjure desire for things you are not turned on to do? hm. an approriate question to raise over our relaxing holiday weekend, dont you think?

WHILE CHEESE IS GOOD

van's no-wheat waffles are even better.

i feel very holiday today. therefore, my post is tres short.

EEEK! EEEK! EEEK!

my galleys arrive today!! eeek!!

GRANDMA PLEASE DON'T GET UPSET: THIS POST IS ABOUT SEX

i couldn't help it. i found this interview fascinating.

GRANDMA'S UPDATE

"On my way home from Mass this morning I was listening to WJR and Paul Harvey came on. He said pink is the color this Spring. He said it is the color for men. Pink shirts, pink ties, pink suits and he also said that in Wawatosa, Wisconsin some men are squeezing into women's pink shoes. How about that?"

note to all men i know: pls do not pick up this new trend of wearing women's pink shoes for spring.

THE SORT OF THING THAT GIVES ME PANIC ATTACKS

SPEAKIGN OF OBSESSIONS

i am currently obsessed with brownstones in the west village. going to look at 97 barrow street on sunday. oooh goody.

THESE PEOPLE

as russell would say, those people, are obsessed with sneakers. in a good way. in fact i rather like people who are obsessed, passionate, you might say about something. pam is obsessed with pre-fab, holly with vintage tablecloths, rayray with comics, lora is obsessed with packaging. and this makes them all very interesting people.

now the only reason i am even remotely beginning to LOOK at sneakers is because of my new quest for the perfect shoe which i think will be a blend of the very best in a sneaker and the very best in a manolo. WHO is up to the task of inventing such a scintillating combination?

THEY SAY

tomorrow is my lucky day.

DID YOU HEAR

about those crazy new addidas sneaks called the addidas 1? they have a petite microchip (is that redundant?) in the arch to figure out how much cushioning to give your little feet. isn't that ingenious? blacktop, grass, running trail--it just KNOWS. now if we could make a manolo like that!

I LOVE EMAIL

no, i hate email.

no, i love it.

no, i hate it.

ok: love it when i haven't been on it for awhile and all these fun notes pop in my in box and i hear from people i havent talked to in like 10 years.

hate it: when all i do is answer it and answer it all day and then look up at the end of the day, drained and realize i have not gotten anything done but email. which is not an achievement but can disguise itself as such very easily for the amount of time energy and creative output it sucks out of you.

whew!

there. isn't that clear and totally non-conflicted.

BECAUSE I AM SENTIMENTAL ABOUT POST COLLEGE DAYS IN A2

i bring you a memory from those days straight from the genius songwriting mind of peter macmillan, fellow coffee-slinger and also known as cavah petvah:

"Remember that footage of Elvis Presley executing -
rather poorly - karate kicks between songs? This was
fat, white jumpsuit with sequins, mutton chops to
China, just about to sit on a toilet Elvis. We were
watching it at your cool house on Catherine Street -
was it above a dental office? You jumped up and
yelled "HIYA!!!", and I remarked, "He's not really
flexible." (His leg made about a 50 degree angle from
his torso.)"

I AM LOOKING

for the perfect pair of city running around shoes. requirements: comfy, strong with arch and heel support, chic, go with everything, breathable for summer jaunts up and down west side highway park and long wlaks on hamptons beaches. need also chic sun hat but that is another story. so, ladies and gentleman, won't you join me on my search? i will be researching and posting results here.

LAUREN HUTTON HAS FABULOUS BREASTS

the only reason i know this is because she was sitting in plain view for all to see at noho star on sunday for brunch. now her breasts were not exposed mind you, but the outlines were extremely visible in her loose fitting blue t-shirt. they sort of pointed out. anyhoo, she is very beautiful and was wearing some very interesting reebok shoes that sort of looked like the puma walking shoes everyone loves. except they were reebok and wierdly multi-colored. hm. what does this say about her? i wonder. oh yeah, i'm supposed to be able to answer that question.

PRE FAB IS SO FAB

this is what i learned yesterday after a large pear sorbet and go-around in the west village with the fabulous holly waterfield. we hit irma and intermix and discussed the merits of bleecker, hudson, and why if we could, woudl never leave our small corner of the west village for a second, unless we were going on holiday. she also opened my eyes to the wonder of hudson street--only a block away! but ANY hoo, after chilling with some white wine in holly's nanucket apartment, pam turned us on to the idea of prefab. all you do is buy a piece of land, throw down a septic tank, then go online and order a house! click click. and these builder men show up to build it! and it is very chic and cheap! how about that? maybe the seinfelds would let me buy a tiny corner of their hampton estate and plop right down on it! whaddya think? ikea living on the beach!

ps. holly is making me a skirt! eeek! i'm so excited!

THIS CRACKS ME UP

SOMETHING I LIKE

RAY RAY

even though you have won the national poetry award this does not mean you know everything. for example, i bet you don't know what EDA is? hm? have i finally stumped you?

PEOPLE WERE POURING WATER ON THEIR HEADS

among other things to try and COOL DOWN from the 100 plus degree temperatures inside joes pub last night. a very dedicated and very sweaty crowd of about 90 lloyd cole fans (and fan supporters) each lost an average of ten pounds in water during an amazing acoustic show in which lloyd swigged red bull in a good natured attempt to deal with the sweat dripping off his arms. WHy you may ask would a dark, closed, music venue have no air on an 86 degree day in manhattan? WHY you may ask didn't they try to make it fun and give out free mango drinks or lemonade? WHY you may ask didn't they head down the street to KMART to get even ONE FAN? this will remain one of the great mysteries of life. fortunately the music was stellar and saw us thru. doesn't it always? (see jane jacob profile in this week's new yorker on cities&song)

RISOTTO AND CHOCOLATE FONDUE


that was the nutritious meal mary and i enjoyed before we headed into one of our final three readings at the series (not that we are counting, oh no). we were so hopped up on chocolate after just spooning the fondue straight into our mouths and forgoing the requisite chocolate bananas and ladyfingers, we had a great old time, tho i was personally a little antsy. jon thirkield so rocked it out. WOW. his poems, instead of being damaged by iowa (which can happen,you know) have instead been strengthened and made beautiful, taught and fine.

NEW BLOGGER

jordan was right. this new version kinda freaks me out. note to blogger staff: it is hard for technophobe people like myself to adjust to changes in navigation. why change naviagtion from right to left? the reason technophobes like me USE blogger is so we don't have to think. or maybe it's because i am a scorpio and since i am a fixed sign i don't like change. either way, pls. no more changes.

A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN HER UNION

this was the banner the women's carpenter's union brought to the house we were building on 134th street on saturday with habitat for humanity. and truth be told, these ladies were pretty fierce. it was awesome to watch them tear into a piece of concrete board with the same swagger i've seen a man do. except of course, with more beauty.

NOTICING

the ennui/despondent parallels between j geils rage in the cage and kanye wests' school spirit . thematically more than lyrically. best line: they dont want me paralyzed, they just want me neutralized.

DOES JESUS GO OUT AT NIGHT?

a line i found in my breadloaf notebook from four years ago.

COMPLIMENTS FROM OFFICE PEOPLE HELP

even brad who normally doesnt notice such things. thanks guys!

I AM NOT A BOY

today i woke up back in my good old feminine self. for some reason this haircut has now morphed the way it's supposed to and instead of making me feel i had to give up all things pink & frilly, i now feel excited for summer with my super short locks.

FUN PEOPLE I HAVE MET IN THE LAST TWO DAYS

1) maral balian: eyebrow specialist and musician extraordinaire. from michigan--of course. the place where many amazing people grow. watch for her on the charts soon my friends.
2)matteo: my trusty driver this morning
3)j. henrique d. campos: lovely brazilian businessman
4)sami: owner of new store in soho selling brazilian clothing. (note to self; must get bikini!)
5)maria carvalho: coordinator for sole commerce
6) dusica's fabulous friend from palm beach: i am SO upset i forgot her name. she was lovely. we talked dogs, kids and palm beach shoe stores.
7) edward: edward scissorhands of note below
8) robert the locksmith: charming, patient and learned
9) sally: woman in veggie restaurant who came up to me while i had my head buried in beginnig with O to tell me she saw olga read from that book at yale when she won the prize. can you imagine?

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET WEEPY?

at the full moon? i'd venture to say it has to do with ovulation.

things weeped at today:

1) sandi sassack's email to me. ten years in one email!
2) olga broumas poems: artemis, innocence, four beginnings

ok so really only two things. but two things more than usual. & you'll notice i did NOT weep about my hair.

NON-BOYNESS CONFIRMED BY IMPARTIAL OBSERVER

ok well she did have some self-interest in complimenting as she was my waitress at the veggie restaurant i go to withincreasing frequency, and so maybe she had a good tip on her mind. but still. she seemed genuine. i told her my fears and she quickly dissuaded them. whew.

EVEN THOUGH

jordan says i don't look like a boy, i am still feeling a little boyish in this new hair. do you think griffin will recognize his mommy? we'll see. he is coming over tonight for dinner. i mean, i am not actually making dinner for him, i am making dinner for sarah and russell. griffin will have whats in his bowl. organic of course.

DUSICA DOES IT RIGHT

cocktails at dusicadusica last night, the hottest new shoe store to hit manhattan since sigerson. turns out business is so good, they are currently in talks to move to an even bigger location on prince, further west. tho i can't tell you yet where, sweeties until the deal is done.

dusica took me in the back and showed me whats hot for fall. waterproof cashmere (she is the only designer to have smartly snapped it up from the italian factory where it is made) and it shows itself on pumps, kitten heels and fabulous knee high boots with molded rubber heel. when i asked dusica about her inspirations, she said, "it's not that esoteric. i think about what i need in my closet. what i want to carry what i want on my feet and then i make it. " smart strategy methinks. obviously working for her since she is rolling in business. i also got to preview the new totes. ruched leather with a chiffon piece that can be woven into the handle, string across the shoulder or taken off. genius. "women need to feel sexy, powerful and feminine," dusica said, " and that's what i aim to do."

& if i can trust you dear reader with another exclusive tidbit, i'd tell you that next fall dusica will be designing a line just for us new york girls! stylish, comfortable running-around shoes in addition to her already comfort-soled heels and boots. a feminine dusica-ized puma. stay tuned for more details.

I HAVE NO HAIR

in a good way. edward scissorhands (otherwise known as edward tricomi) just chopped my hair into an "edgy" cut for spring. don't worry people. it's ok. i'm ok. i think.

REQUEST FROM HEIDI IN SALMON

it is true. i did not do my usual dilgent reporting on ms. heidi e. ewing's party last saturday night. i can't believe my mind was so erased by that monday it slipped my mind. because really who could forget dancing in the den to "i ran so far away" by flock of seagulls and "dilemma" by nelly & kelly, chocolate covered strawberries, cute geminis, and an abundance of good springtime feelings?

UBER SEXY

on a very different note, the opti-grab crew were extremely sexy and fun at the mercury lounge on saturday night. hilarious lyrics, tracy murphy gettin' racy, and even tho the music was flowing from an imac, the sounds were tres awesome.

ps. waldo says uber is not a good superlative. somehow it sounds better when jason uses it, i guess. sigh.

DID I TELL YOU

how smart griffin is? he went poopy and pee on his weewee pad TWICE yesterday!

GRIFFIN IS THE NAME

of the sweet, gentle, cute, refined little sheltie that decided to chosse russell and i as his parents. now before you all gasp kidlets, know that russell will be the primary owner and sweet griffin will live with him most of the time. holidays and when griffin misses me (or i miss griffin), griffin will take a vacation to the west village.

oh my goodness. it was quite miracluous how he chose us i tell you. just looking out at us with his intelligent little face and long nose. russell immediately named him and i cried. then russell and i took him around all day yesterday and people just stopped us on the street every two seconds because he is SO CUTE. we got a dog-bag, chew toys and lots of organic food. russell says he won't take him to the doggy ice cream social, but that i can.